Your child comes home from school looking upset. You ask what’s wrong, and your child says, “I wanted to play tag at recess, but no one let me join." Friendship challenges are a normal part of childhood, yet they can feel overwhelming for young kids.
Learning to navigate these social struggles is essential for developing emotional intelligence, empathy, and resilience, skills that will serve them well throughout life. As parents, we can’t always shield our children from difficulties, but we can give them the tools to manage and grow from these experiences.
This article will provide practical, research-backed strategies to help your child handle three common friendship challenges: making friends, dealing with exclusion and resolving conflicts. Let’s dive in.
Some children naturally form friendships with ease, while others struggle with knowing how to connect. If your child finds it difficult to make friends, here’s how you can help:
Model Healthy Communication: Children learn by watching us. According to Bandura’s Social Learning Theory1, kids mimic observed behaviours. This means that how you interact with others, whether you greet a neighbour warmly, introduce yourself at social gatherings, or communicate clearly in group settings, teaches your child social norms.
Try narrating your interactions: “I haven’t met this person before, but I’m going to introduce myself and ask about their day.” This helps children understand the basics of initiating conversations.
Teach Active Listening: Friendship is as much about listening as it is talking. Help your child practise by role-playing conversations. In your role play, demonstrate how to show interest by making eye contact, nodding and responding with phrases like: “That sounds fun! Tell me more.” to develop a conversation further or by asking questions like, “How did that make you feel?”
Active listening and perspective-taking foster deeper social connections. As a parent, encourage your child to reflect on how their friends feel to build emotional intelligence. After the role play, ask your child reflective questions like, “What do you think your classmate felt when you said that?” to strengthen their ability to connect with others emotionally.
● “What’s something nice you could say to someone new?”
● “What would you like someone to say to you?”
The goal isn’t to give them a script but to help them feel confident in social settings. Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development highlights the difference between learning with and without guidance and encouragement and identifies that children learn best with guided problem-solving from an adult2. So providing support while encouraging independent thinking is key.
It’s painful to see your child excluded, but there are ways that you can help your child handle being left out.
Normalise Mistakes in Friendships: Kids sometimes exclude others without realising it. Instead of immediately blaming the group, help your child see social situations as fluid. You might say, “Sometimes friends make mistakes. That doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It just means they’re still learning, too.” Sharing personal stories of times you felt left out and how you handled it can make your child feel less alone. Children who understand that friendships naturally shift and change over time develop stronger social resilience.
Foster Empathy through Stories: Books and movies are powerful tools for helping kids understand social dynamics. Children develop empathy when they can put themselves in someone else’s shoes. After watching a show or reading a book together, ask: “Why do you think the character acted that way?” or “How would you feel in that situation?” This helps your child see that exclusion isn’t always personal and that friendships require understanding.
Role-Play Conflict Scenarios: If your child struggles with how to respond when left out, practise role playing the situation together. Act out a situation where a group is playing a game and doesn’t include them. Guide them through responses, such as:
● Asking politely to join: “May I play, too?”
● Finding another group: “That’s OK, I’ll go see if someone else wants to play.”
● Handling rejection gracefully: “It’s OK then. Maybe next time?”
Praise their efforts even if they don’t get it perfect the first time. These skills take practice.
Disagreements are a natural part of relationships, but young kids often struggle with resolving them constructively. The next time your child comes to you after falling out with a friend, try these tips:
Teach Emotional Regulation Skills: Friendship conflicts often escalate because of big emotions. Teaching your child to recognise and manage their feelings before reacting is essential. Research by Gross3 on emotional regulation shows that kids who learn these skills early are better at resolving conflicts.
Encourage simple techniques like:
● Deep breathing before responding.
● Counting to ten when feeling upset.
● Using “I” statements instead of blame (e.g., “I felt sad when you left me out” instead of “You were mean”).
Remind your child that it’s OK to feel angry or hurt. It’s how they express those emotions that matters.
Encourage Problem-solving Together: When your child comes to you with a friendship issue, resist the urge to jump in with a solution. Instead, ask guiding questions:
● “What do you think would help fix the situation?”
● “What could you say to your friend next time?”
This helps them develop independence in managing social issues rather than relying on adults to fix everything.
You can model healthy conflict resolution by verbalising your thought process:
● “I felt frustrated when that happened, but I took a deep breath and calmly explained how I felt.”
● “I disagreed, but I listened to their side and we found a compromise.”
This reinforces Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence findings4 on the importance of empathy and relationship skills.
Navigating friendships isn’t always easy, but these experiences shape children into compassionate, resilient individuals. By teaching your child empathy, emotional regulation and problem-solving, you’re giving them lifelong tools for building strong relationships.
Friendship challenges won’t disappear overnight, but with patience and practice, your child will gain the confidence to handle them. And as they grow, they’ll remember the lessons you taught them, not just about making friends, but about being a good friend, too.
REVIEWED BY DR JACQUELINE CHUNG
References
[1]Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Prentice Hall.
[2]Simply Psychology. (n.d.). Zone of proximal development. https://www.simplypsychology.org/zone-of-proximal-development.html
[3]Gross, J. J. (Ed.). (2007). Handbook of emotion regulation. Guilford Press.
[4]Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.